Talk:Atheists/Archive1
For those obsessed with the Liberals that are destroying our Judaeo-Christian nation, Conservapedia has an article about Atheist. A quick summary for those who wish to avoid the drama. Atheism is a religion for people who worship themselves instead of God. As a Christian will typically quote the Bible during an argument, most atheists will quote The God Delusion. Since nearly every forum on this series of tubes we call "Internets" has a 70 page long religion thread, it is clear that much drama and BAWWW is had with such a sensitive topic. In this article we'll take a look at the atheists side of this eternal argument and attempt to glean important facts regarding their position. BEHOLD: Contents hide 1 Failed Logic 1.1 Morality 1.2 Atheists' Sex Lives 1.3 Important Facts About Atheism 2 Atheists on the internet 2.1 Sources of drama 3 Atheist Quotes 4 OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!oneoneone 5 How to troll your average Atheist. These will send them on butthurt rampages every time 5.1 Butthurt Atheist EDits to this article 6 Atheist flaming theists with "reason" and "logic" 7 External Links 8 See Also editFailed Logic Touché. Atheists tend to suffer from a rare, more aggressive form of unwarranted self-importance. Atheists typically think they are smarter than you no matter what. Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some "SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC". Many also exhibit very serious cases of a persecution complex, believing that Secret Christian Anonymous Terrorists (SCAT) are trying to eradicate them by putting the word "God" in things. A high priest of Atheism discovered last Thursday that should a fellow Atheist hear the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance three times within an hour, they will instantly convert to Christianity and then die. Generally, all atheists are liberals or libertarians with serious superiority complexes who are often willing to argue with anyone, especially Xtians. Of course, potential adversaries usually decline to argue because they are too busy earning a living and having direction in life. The ones who do get into such arguments are retarded 13-year-old girls who either convert to atheism to become retarded atheists themselves or get butthurt and send the chatlogs to their minister. Either way, the argument goes nowhere, neither religion (because atheism is one too) gains any ground one way or the other, and both participants are losers. Recent studies reveal that atheists tend to be privileged enough to seriously suck at life yet still not get banned (or at least kicked out of their parents' house). Thus, in an effort to prove to themselves and to the world that they aren't useless sacks of shit, they have the compulsion to masturbate their supposed intellectual superiority onto people (sheeple?) who don't have the time or interest or opportunity to think about such shit. Every Atheists' wet dream Many of them believe that some philosopher (e.g., Nietzsche or Karl Popper) has proved that atheism is correct. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God through the infallible argument that anyone that believes in a God is stupid, which means anything they say is stupid, which means that it would just be wasting the intellectually superior atheist's time. Kierkegaard never existed. Atheists generally suffer under the delusion that religion somehow is the cause of all conflict and that it is directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred in history. Of course, most atheists fail to realize that, with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who take as gospel truth in something that they'd read. Atheists, who thinks that Christians are inherently stupid, have a tendency to use the words "irrational", "delusion", and anything that makes them look smart that revolves around these two words. Some even call themselves the "rational ones" who have plenty of facts against Christianity, yet instead of actually presenting these facts, they're usually seen whining about how God wasn't there to save money on their car insurance, instead of shutting the fuck up and switching to Geico. There was a reason why that damn commercial was running last night. Mr Nifflekins demolishes the beliefs of theologians everywhere. PROTIP: When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking. The atheist will undoubtedly respond with, "BUT THEY DIDN'T KILL IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM!!11", which is bullshit, because they obviously did: Lenin, Mao, and Stalin all viewed religion as an obstacle to the dictatorship of the proletariat envisioned by Karl Marx and thus sought to remove this obstacle by any means necessary. edit Morality Atheists tend to gripe about how religious people say that they can't be moral. But if they don't believe in anything, why do they care about morality? The truth is, atheists have no morals; given the chance, they would rape and kill every member of your family, simply for the lulz of it. Trying to prove this to an atheist will result in a 10-page rant about how the Bible sucks ass because it is a 2000-year-old book. Nevertheless, the atheist will fail to realize that nobody gives a shit, and will keep on ranting until the listener gets bored and walks off. Alternately some atheists won't stop spouting Nietszche and claim that morality is overrated. Some even take this idea that nihilism is better than morality to the extent of saying it's okay to fuck kids. Classic examples of such fucktards can be found editing the pages of wikipedia, posting on Marilyn Manson message boards and failing at life. Those who aren't busy posting in threads about the deeper meanings in the lyrics of System of a Down also seem to like to vlog it up on the jewtubes and cry about how they are being mistreated by the evil "xians". A typical atheist An atheist in its natural habitat. Clearly, this is an example of Nietzsche's Übermensch ideal. editAtheists' Sex Lives Proven by polls and science is the fact that even Catholic priests get more ass than the typical atheist. This results in the atheist having to take an alternate path to survive, since no one wants to get buttfucked by a neckbearded yeti who thinks it knows everything. Atheists having no morals to hold them back, are sexual deviants who take any opportunity to degrade themselves, it is a well known fact that atheists are the sole cause of rape, porn, paedophilia, bestiality, furries, STDs, AIDS, homosexuality etc. Since atheists fail majorly at sex and no one wants them, abstinence can't be promoted. This proves the fact that atheists are the leading cause of AIDS, STDs, and unwanted pregnancies. This leads us to the conclusion that: - Atheists have thin dicks - If there were no atheists, AIDS would be a rare STD Of course under normal circumstances there isn't a woman underneath them. Here's a panel of atheists trying to argue with a bum. editImportant Facts About Atheism Black people can't be Atheists in the MMORPG RL due to class restrictions. If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also did 9/11. They have the ability to grow neckbeards at an accelerated rate. They talk to each other using sarcasm so unclear, that only other atheists can translate it. Atheists have the ability to think freely which helps them spell better OTI and find porn. They are smarter than you since they've browsed various skeptic's bibles. All Atheists became Atheists because they know they are going to Hell and are in denial become mindless, souless automatons killing millions of people and knocking on your door during your dinner to give you pamphlets in the name of god and all that bullshit if they don't. They may later claim it was all done for the lulz. All Atheists are actually in denial about their belief in God, you know they believe and won't admit it. Most fundamentalist atheists get their knowledge of the Bible only by typing down "bible contradictions" on Google. Other fundamentalists have no knowledge of the Bible whatsoever. editAtheists on the internet Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by hardcore neck-bearded atheists. Atheists are world-renowned for shitting up religous discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "This bullshit you call religoin is basicly crap made up by cave dwelling, goat-fucking rednecks 6,000 years ago with no real proof any of this shit really happened," no matter how intelligent or rationalized seems. Atheists commonly complain about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, without realizing that shitting yourself over anyone with any sort of theistic beliefs is far more obnoxious than the religious people they frequently whine about. Christians, in this case, have the upper-hand over atheists for not going into shitfits over religious discussion on an internet forum. In this example, a youtube atheist reacts to someone making a Wii Mii of Jesus. Very typical for an internets atheist. In this example an internet group discusses atheism. Note how for once the Christians seem like the sane ones. Also note the inability of certain users from this site to countenance the fact that atheists are frothy-mouthed batshit psychos. Typical atheist protesting Bu$h's inauguration. Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a common sentiment or strain of thought running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes. It is also to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand. No lulz may be had when you are too busy whining about how people who go out in the sun or shave are just deluding themselves, and too stupid to understand the workings of the universe which these fat, neckbearded slobs of course have fully understood. Another reason atheists generally come across as arrogant, whiny assholes is their long revered standard of ad hominem attacks on those with whom they happen to not agree. Rather than actually engaging into some form of serious debate with those silly theists and having the flaws of atheist positions shown as having no merit whatsoever, it is easier to attack theists and dismiss them personally based on presumably lower intellect, lack of scientific proof, etc. Most of the time, however, an atheist will suddenly decide that it's a chance to fuck Christianity anally by saying "Where is your god now?" or "God does not exist" in ALL CAPS, at any event like 9/11 that an atheist can use to blame on God. edit Sources of drama Standard atheists' response to this article Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of drama, both as subjects and creators. YouTube has a sizable population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, Rational Response Squad. You can check out their "Blasphemy Challenge" to see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare African-American "Atheists!" You can oftentimes receive boners from the angry responses from fellow Atheists who give out poor comment points to anyone that demands Tits or GTFO to any female Atheists. The majority of atheists must always, and will forever, debate who is the biggest idiot for believing in religion. In addition, some atheists believe that atheism is the belief in nothing religious: this is also bullshit. Most atheists cannot stand each other; putting two together in a closet usually results in a deadly battle of who can fuck the other in the ass faster. edit Atheist Quotes "I feel very attached to the idea of atheism , that we are free to do whatever we want. (Not that my parents buy into that) And there is no proof their is a god, so HA!!" "...herd those goons into labs and perform experiments on them instead of on the animals. Wouldn't that solve the whole problem? No animals will be harmed, and this will be a good way to remove some anti-science goons from the gene pool. A whole new generation of lab rats will be born!" Real Quote "Well, fuck off and shove a brick up your ass, because whoever gave you the right to speak for me and for all the other non-appeaser atheists?" Crackpot science worshiping atheist "HAWHAWHAR YOU BELIEVE IN A GOD THAT DOESN'T EXIST!!! Well, I'll see you at school." "In atheism we give you a blank slate to write your on life. I wrote mine in my dads basement with youtube videos that aren't doing shit." "If it takes a group to make you strong, not only does that make you cowardly, it means you are weak, and hiding behind other weak people, just like a fucking gang. This is the basis of religion. A mass of stupid people saying "do as we say or i will kill you". That doesnt make you right, that makes you a nazi." "Not that x-tians care, since hitler was the christian poster boy anyway. Atheism is not criticism, it is logic. Christianity is criticism, of everything that doesn't fit into its stupid little niche of stupididy." "this is a true symbol of the new church here in europe...good that I'm atheistical." "IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF CHRISTIANS PUSHING THEIR BELIEFS ON ME, i mean every year i go to buy something at the store and I see HAPPY HOLLIDAYS and it pisses me off so much i mean Christians are everywhere i mean its like UHHGGGGG but anyway this year its gonna be different. i just got down purchasing my ANTI-god pin. im going to every place where they sell christmas trees and all the "happy" (yeah more like BRAINWASHED) familys will see my anti-god pin and i will silently protest this stupid holliday yeah go atheists!" "I'm smarter than you because I've got a science degree" Richard Dawkins "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!!!1111???2222" Almost every atheist in the world "So... you 'respect my belief, or lack of any'? Well... that's very nice... but it is a red flag that screams out intellectual shallowness and lack of critical-thinking skills. "I do not respect your beliefs. I think they're stupid... therefore, it would be stupid to 'respect' them. That logic is really not that difficult. However... I DO respect your inherent right to delude yourself in any manner that you deem fit... provided that you do not attempt to impose those beliefs upon me and my family, our schools, our public institutions and our government." See "DuckPhup" - a respectable atheist edit OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!oneoneone When confronted about their h8 and intolerance, Atheists tend to go on a screaming rant about how they are being OMFG CENSORED, saying things like "I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY WHAT I WANT, ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS CRITICIZE RELIGION, U R VIOLATING MY FREE SPEECH BY CALLING ME 'INTOLERANT' JUST BECAUSE I THINK THAT ALL XTIANS R STUPID DELUDED IDIOTS WHO DESERVE TO BE TORTURED AND KILLED OR LOCKED UP AND MEDICATED". Thus we arrive at the atheist's definition of "free speech", which is essentially: When I attack you, it's just criticism, but when you attack me, it's OMFG CENSORSHIP!!!111!!!1 editHow to troll your average Atheist. These will send them on butthurt rampages every time Use this comic to troll atheists! "Jesus died for your sins" "God doesn't believe in atheists." "If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?" "Evolution is only a theory" Pretend to be really surprised and full of pity when the atheist mentions his lack of faith. Complain about the bias against intelligent design. "God did it...your science is NOTHING without God" PROTIP: Always capitalize God, and then point out that such Atheists often capitalize science and nature, proving that they worship them; thus proving that they are pagans OMG! "Science is ALWAYS based on faith because you don't know if your hypothesis will turn out correctly" "Put your trust in Jesus, not science" "Evolution leads to eugenics...just ask Hitler." For moar lulz be sure to point out that Darwin repented on his deathbed. "Hitler was an Atheist" Point out that their posts sound like evangelical preachers' rants, including their tone, intensity, rhyme and measure. "I prayed for all of you unwashed sinners today" "Moral relativism leads to hedonism and persecution of minorities" "Atheists are never moral because they do not believe in God," followed up by "Morals are God-given not man made" If all else fails, goatse, pain and fifty Jesus posts never go amiss alongside with ALLAH AKBAR!!! editButthurt Atheist EDits to this article Please visit the userpages of the following users and let them know that Jesus fucking loves them hard. God Bless. User:Acatisfinetookthxbi--SLAUGHTERING YOUR CITIZENS IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU'RE AN ATHEIST.1 User:Atomicswoosh--It's perfectly okay to believe in something for which there is no explanation or proof, as long as it's not God. 2 User:AnonyMouse--"Atheists are people who have learned to stop sucking God's dick and realize humans are the top of the food chain, when you die, you get eaten by worms and that's the end. Too bad, go cry to your 'God' about it. many more think atheists are great, and those who believe in God are self-absorbed, holier-than-thou pieces of shit who don't know how or when to shut the fuck up." 3 User:Atomheart--BELIEVING THERE IS NO GOD ISN'T A BELIEF! I DON'T WANT IT TO BE! 4 User:Godlovesmeso--"If you are older than twelve, you should be an athiest by now." 5 User:Nicekitty--This article is too mean. ED should be nice, like Wikipedia. 6 User:TheMontgomery-- HAY GUIZ WUTZ GOIN ON IN DIS ARTICLE??? TL;DR See Also: the talk page editAtheist flaming theists with "reason" and "logic" <-- Shes totally hawt edit External Links THE BEST STATED DEFINITION OF ATHEISM EVER Atheists complaining about ED; note the furry avatars. "Anyways, Uncylopedia is better in the lulz department and is less abusive to the senses". Clearly, Uncyclopedia is not part of the internet hate machine. RRS think the "Atheist" article on ED is hilarious - > Rational Response Squad. "Golden Compass"=Atheist Propganda? Atheist douchebag Michael Newdow butthurt about "under God" in the pledge of allegiance IRL troll Tobias Brown gets the Atheists in a froth fest with his article about the dictatorship of Atheism John Gray, The Atheist Delusion editSee Also God Agnosticism Richard Dawkins Fagnostic George Carlin Rational Response Squad Ayn Rand Furries Liberal TheAmazingAtheist Fakesagan Saturnine Films AngryLittleGiri Adam Carolla Penn & Teller Iidb Permanent link This page was last modified 06:52, 9 August 2008. This page has been accessed 81,657 times. Privacy policy About Encyclopedia Dramatica Disclaimers